Posts by Lady Lee

29

Have you ever shunned someone and then later regretted it?

by 00DAD in

lately, i've been reading a number of thread lately that deal with this topic.

one particularly poignant experience came from simon.

in simon's story he shares: .

Lady Lee

The only person I can recall shunning were my uncles. One was DFed for apostasy. That was really hard not talking to him. I loved his wife who came to the meetings. Eventuually he returned and was reinstated but happily left again.

The other uncle was married to Mouthy's daughter. He was DFed and yes I shunned him. Then I think he was reinstated and DFed a second time. After that they divorced and I never talked to him again. He put his wife and children through hell and for that I would never forgive him. He hasn;t changed. Even if they hadn't DFed him I would not want anything to do with him. He has always been a very toxic person - and that is saying something comsidering the toxic levels in my family.

27

Since You Were In A Cult Do You Consider Yourself Still Dysfunctional?

by minimus in

jw
friends

yes, i said "still"..

Lady Lee

OTWO

I don't think the amount of time a person is here has anything to do with how functional or dysfunctional they are. Peeople come and go as they need.

I think sites like this one can help the exiting JW through a terrible time. Like for anyone the internet can become a substitute for real life. But what I see here is that most people begin to develop their loves outside this little world in here while they come to visit people they know will understand their particular problems post JW

27

Since You Were In A Cult Do You Consider Yourself Still Dysfunctional?

by minimus in

jw
friends

yes, i said "still"..

Lady Lee

zeb my daughter is 36 and is on her own now.

Being to proud to seek help is dysfunctional. You are spot lady lee.

I don't think it is a matter of being too proud for most people. I know I was just plain scared that someone would think I was crazy and lock me up forever.

I think many people think most therapists wouldn't understand. My most recent therapist had never had an exJW client before but she knew all about dysfunctional families. It helps that after 28 years out of a cult I know a lot of the pitholes and having been a counselor myself I know how to frame things so she will understand the tactics of the WTS in terms of dysfunctional families.

If you read the book Toxic Parents but WTS/JWs for "parents" just about everything fits very well and will help you make sense of what has happened to you.

27

Since You Were In A Cult Do You Consider Yourself Still Dysfunctional?

by minimus in

jw
friends

yes, i said "still"..

Lady Lee

As far as the cult stuff goes it doesn't bother me. I'm not depressed about my mother shunning me. In her case she does me a favor by staying out of my life. I was able to go to college and then university. I had a career I loved.

Last year was a huge shock to me when my youngest daughter who is not a witness told me she didn't want a relationship with me. Since then I have found out that she had cut herself off from everyone who cared about her and is on a destructive streak that I can't do anything about. But I was shocked and as soon as I realized how much it upset me I went back into therapy for a few weeks. I've had therapy before and sat on both sides of the desk so-to-speak so I found it very helpful to talk to someone outside of the situation. I have a lot of skills I have used through the years that helped me get through this shock and by Christmas I had my final test when I was in the same room as her and managed to get through it without major upset.

Reaching out and getting help when we need it is functional. Not getting the help we need is dysfunctional.

When I walked into the therapists office I told her I had been a JW and that it is like one huge extremely dysfunctional family with all the nonsense of this one not talking to that one, and this one not coming because that one was invited yadda yadda yadda. She got the point.

There may be upsets int he future but I know I can handle them and if I can't I know I can get help and I know how to get it. We do not need to suffer in silence.

17

Is it not hypocritical of the WTB&TS to acknowledge women can be a part of the 144000 annointed ones to rule with Christ ,yet deny them a place on the Governing Body ?

by smiddy in

if jehovah and jesus see fit to allow women to be a part of the ruling elite in heaven for a thousand years , who are the g.b.to deny them that privelidge on earth ?

the basis of family life since adam & eve is the complimentary balance of male and female input ,so shouldnt that rule also apply to the governing of a christian congregation ?.

smiddy.

Lady Lee

was blind Russell wasn't much better - a bit but not much

17

Is it not hypocritical of the WTB&TS to acknowledge women can be a part of the 144000 annointed ones to rule with Christ ,yet deny them a place on the Governing Body ?

by smiddy in

if jehovah and jesus see fit to allow women to be a part of the ruling elite in heaven for a thousand years , who are the g.b.to deny them that privelidge on earth ?

the basis of family life since adam & eve is the complimentary balance of male and female input ,so shouldnt that rule also apply to the governing of a christian congregation ?.

smiddy.

Lady Lee

Just look at who started all this.

Russell who married his wife and never consummated the marriage but was out flirting with all the women on his staff ("I am like a jellyfish. I float around here and there. I touch this one and that one, and if she responds I take her to me, and if not, I float on to others"- a claim made by Maria of a quote by Russell) During the divorce proceedings it was claimed that the reason for the divorce was that Maria wanted to be granted equal rights with her husband as a writer and that was refused

Rutherford who actually did have sex with his wife and produced a son but who abandoned both his wife and son and had mistresses one of whom slept in an adjacent room with connecting doors when they traveled. Meanwhile he treated women like crap. He told men that they should not remove their hats for a woman or to stand when a lady entered the room (courtesies many years ago). Women were the weaker sex and therefore must be in submission at all times

Things haven't changed a lot although Russell's wife Maria did write many articles for the magazines and wrote at least one book These attitudes have never changed.

61

Do you think those at the top realise that it's their fault - suicide as a result of being disfellowshipped?

by jambon1 in

jw
friends

i have been stunned to hear of two suicides in our area recently.. this adds to the other 3 that i have known of from the past.. the two recent suicides resulted from 1-the person being gay & hearing a horrific talk at the kingdom hall & 2-the person with problems who was disfelloshipped & then took his life the next week.. it astonished me that jw's in general don't rebel against this sort of thing.

it's an appalling lack of support which leads people to feel distressed, abandoned & unloved.

how the witnesses in the locality can just sail on without giving the cruelty of these measures serious though is beyond me.

Lady Lee

To date the courts have not been willing to accept that the policies of the WTS cause people to commit suicide..

The first rationale has been that any group, religious or otherwise, has the right to exclude people they don't want in the group.

The second rationale has been that the Witnesses claim that since th eperson is no longer one of them they cannot be held responsible for what the person does.

They can't see that there is a correlation between the expulsion and the suicide. The Witnesses claim that the suicide was due entirely to the extreme guilt the person experiences after doing whatever it was that resulted in the expulsion. And since the person is no longer a JW they cannot be responsible even if the suicide happens immediately after.

These are people who can justify two opposite things being true at the same time. They play with words like someone playing Scrabble. The cognitive dissonance they experience will permit any JW, even those at the top, from seeing any direct relationship between the expulsion and the suicide

17

Being an Orphan Hurts No Matter What Age

by WhoLovesMagic in

jw
friends

what kind of parents forget the day you were born?

jehovah's witness(es)!!!.

yes today is my 3rd birthday (only started celebrating 3 years ago).

Lady Lee

Whether you go out or stay home find ways to celebrate the YOU that you have become in spite of the WTS

PS: Happy Birthday

13

With all the attention given to child molestation in the church now--

by cptkirk in

is it getting any better?

or is it still happening at the same rate?

was listening to o'reilly tonight as i was eating dinner and heard him say that virtual child porn is actually legal, that sort of blew my mind a bit..

Lady Lee

yup that is the mind set

13

With all the attention given to child molestation in the church now--

by cptkirk in

is it getting any better?

or is it still happening at the same rate?

was listening to o'reilly tonight as i was eating dinner and heard him say that virtual child porn is actually legal, that sort of blew my mind a bit..

Lady Lee

Kirk

It won't work. They are convinced that the elders protect the victims. Newspaper clippings are lies invented by apostates. The Society has a policy and it works. The proof they will offer is that they know of no JW pedofile in their congregation or in any congregation they know of.

What they don't realize is that the abuse is swept neatly under the carpet so they will NEVER know. Unless it has happened in their family they won't believe it.

I have spoken to JWs who have come to my door. They all have said they have an effective policy. Then I tell them my family's story and I have only ever heard 1 apology where the person said she had no idea this could happen and that it was a rare occurrance. Then they sent an elder to my door.

They will deny and have an excuse for everything. Court transcripts might go a bit further than the internet or the media but really I doubt. Mind control is a very powerful thing and they just don't want to believe their children are in any real danger.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't talk to them about the issue. I think we absolutely should bring it up with any JW who shows up to preach to us. But don't expect them to see the light. The WTS has their lights hidden under a bushel and had placed a tank on top of it to make sure they don't get out or real truth doesn't get in.